Finally, it’s time for me to talk about myself again! 2024 has been a remarkable year for, me even though it was filled with the constant barrage of challenges that most people experience. It was a year of victory, dreams fulfilled, and efforts replaced with blessings. I finally got my physician’s license!
Years ago, I shared how I was able to prepare for the National Medical Admission Test (NMAT) despite my perceived poor background, which eventually led me to attend my dream school. But the challenges persisted until I finished medical school and beyond.
Becoming a doctor was a childhood dream I initially did not consider, as I had a different goal. Eventually, as I grew older, especially when I started college, I realized I have this deep desire to help others and be a channel of good health. This slow development caused me to experience various setbacks and detours, but they were all worth it.
I spent seven years in college, experienced seven and a half years of financial, emotional, and psychological challenges in medical school, and had to live in the pandemic before I got my victory. Those debacles made my journey more meaningful and my success sweeter. Getting that license symbolized my ability to redeem myself from the shackles of emotional turmoil, prove my perseverance, and emphasize that I have what it takes to fulfill my dream.
In short, this set of posts aims to share my experiences, try to help those who are struggling, whether or not we may have the same experiences, and celebrate this gift that I consider an opportunity of a lifetime. I will dive deep into my journey for the next blog posts and hope my story can make sense to others.
[lwptoc]
The Long Road: My Academic Journey
Shifting Courses and College Struggles
Seven Years in College: How it Started
I high school I was so determined to be financially stable that I wanted to explore a career in business administration. A teacher influenced me, and the promise of a high salary made me choose my college course to pursue a marketing management major. I was also admitted to my dream school, the University of the Philippines Visayas (UPV), and I was so happy to begin my studies.
For months before starting classes, I daydreamed of a comfortable life with my family, a lovely house by the beach, overflowing food, etc. I thought I would get all of these if I went up the career ladder of being a banker or someone in marketing. However, weeks before classes started, I wondered what would happen if I became a doctor.
That was a life-changing moment, and it left my mind in shambles. Since I was a child, I only saw myself following the footsteps of my father, who is a church minister. I would repeatedly answer that when asked what I would become. I think I fantasized about being a physician many times but would constantly reorient my mind to the fact that being a pastor is my only noble path.
Unfortunately, it was already too late when I wanted to shift courses. We also only managed to get the tuition bracket for most middle-class families, at ₱400 per unit, which was quite hefty for a family of five, even though my mother was working overseas. Another unfortunate part is that I never cared about failing since I justified that I was in UPV and failure was just okay. Pair this with extracurricular activities; I eventually failed some subjects in my first and second semesters in my first year. I skipped the following semester.
Upon coming back, I begged our student affairs head that I was determined to become a doctor. They were able to help me with this transaction, and I was able to transfer to the campus where I earned a Bachelor of Science in Biology. Miagao Campus, the main campus for UPV, was around an hour from home, and I hated to admit it before, but my responsibilities at home might have caused me to face failures during my stay there again.
Finding a New Home
In 2011, I decided that if I wanted to make things work, I needed to transfer schools, and I moved to West Visayas State University (WVSU). Although I still had numerous responsibilities, especially in our church, where I was worship leader and planner, I finished my biology course. I was glad that I was also able to rediscover my love for campus journalism and was even the chief editor for our student publication.
With my NMAT score and maybe my determination, I was able to enter the College of Medicine at the same university. While I was exceedingly happy with my victory, looking back, it was nerve-wracking and full of challenges. Emotionally, I was humbled by feeling up and above at UPV and then becoming branded as a failure, even by some people from WVSU. I was jealous of my peers who were starting their careers, building homes, and establishing their names while I was still studying hard to reach my dreams.
I had multiple episodes of self-doubt and wanted to give up many times, but I was happy that I did not do that because I was able to experience the highs and lows of life and the academe before entering medical school. However, even though I did not expect the medical school to be smooth, it was another struggle-filled journey.
Medical School and Life Challenges
The Seven-and-a-Half-Year Struggle
Months before I started medical school, my paternal grandmother suddenly fell ill and succumbed to multiple ailments with which we were not that informed well. I took that as a challenge: before death, my grandmother experienced the poor situation of the healthcare system, and I felt that the deterioration of her health was unjust.
Unfortunately, I did not have an established study habit, and I still needed to insert church responsibilities and extracurricular worries as I started medicine. In addition, I had a long-distance relationship with my then-girlfriend (now my wife) after being in a relationship for nearly a decade after she needed to go abroad.
Perhaps I also struggled since I was somewhat older than most of my classmates. I had friends but could not establish strong bonds with them since I had to divide myself into other responsibilities. I went on to fail three of my five subjects for my first semester. We had weekly quizzes, and results were posted using codes to hide our identities. I was consistently the lowest scorer for that semester.
While I did not have good study habits, I was trying hard to study, surpassing my efforts in college by more than triple. Yet, I was not able to absorb my lessons. I could not prepare well for small group discussions.
At the same time, though studying in the then-cheapest medical school in the country, we were struggling and needed to do student loans for enrollment. The financial struggle, the strain on my failures, my yearning for my significant other, and overall stress were taking a toll. After every semester, the academic team is deliberating all students. I mistakenly visited the school during the deliberation and saw mentors looking at me and patting my shoulder with eyes of pity.
Pausing My Dreams Then Another Failure
My adviser advised that if I wanted to avoid being kicked out of college, I needed to rest for a semester and prepare to return the following year. I would be delayed, but this leave of absence would protect me from having no other choice. My world was crushed that day. I felt like my newfound friends were leaving me, and they could not even look me in the eye.
I settled myself, looked for a minimum-wage job, and awaited the chance to return. I returned the following year, passed my exams for the semester, and moved on to the next. Then, another tragedy came. During our Gastroenterology block, my dad felt ill and needed to be hospitalized. He suffered from an obstructed bile duct due to gallstones, which already had complications. I was the eldest among three brothers, and I held myself responsible for caring for him, taking absences to be at the hospital.
I was excused from my absence but could not recover from my backlogs and failed the block: another failure, another delay. Although I moved on, I cannot enroll for the next year if I do not pass that subject. But I persisted and tried my best. I married my wife, and I have constant support during this time. Despite the challenges, I saw that I was still able to grow.
Challenges Like the Hydra
Challenge after challenge went by, and the COVID-19 pandemic happened. Around the same time, I had some personal issues and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I needed medications and constant consults with my psychiatrist mentor. It did not help that I also had a faith crisis, and all of these factors, all the while struggling with the isolation and the new normal, led me even to delay my career.
At this point, I was so ready to give up. But my friends, already licensed physicians, were supportive and would be there for me anytime. My mentors were also hopeful and supportive. I could not talk enough about my wife and how she was able to help me stay sane throughout these years. In 2021, I finally finished my third year of medicine and started Clinical Clerkship.
Under the new normal, our setup was far from ideal. We had to be swabbed every month, only have hospital duties for 15 days, and the remaining days would be for online clerkship, a mishmash of online lectures and case discussions.
I could say I did reasonably well; despite the constraints, our mentors gave us a good experience. The setup was also somewhat helpful for preparing for the comprehensive examinations. What do you know? I would also fail at that.
I was so hard on myself that I attempted numerous unspeakable things during that period; all the while, my wife was trying her best to help and guide me and preserve the last of my sanity and, by extension, the family that we established. I got over that eventually, took another shot at my exam, and passed. I became a midyear postgraduate intern in 2023.
Postgraduate Internship and the Next Stage
Generally, the internship was smooth sailing. I was able to brave it and got to learn many things. Unfortunately, we were becoming short on our finances and were left with no other choice; my wife needed to go for abroad once more. That was painful, but we needed to do that.
The internship went by, and I was able to finish it unscathed. Thus, it was time for the licensure exam preparation that would test me and my sanity once more.
The Crucible: Preparing for the Licensure Exam
The Pressure to Pass
Anybody taking a course with a board examination would be trying their best to pass their exams when the time comes. But most of the time, the people one wants to impress are themselves. For me, passing the examinations was more than just fulfilling my dreams. It is a message to myself to prove the choices that I made and to make a statement.
My experiences increased the weight of why I wanted to pass. The long delays that my life suffered, which i felts carried over to my wife, was so debilitating emotionally that I want to prove my negativiies wrong.
Was I worried that I would fail? Of course! The almost familiar feeling of facing failure was too imminent, and the pressure was building up so high. On one side of my brain, I wanted to show the world that I have the skills and talents for my chosen profession and will pass the board examinations in just one take. On the other hand, I was glossing over the possibility of lowering my expectations and taking it easy because a little bit of failure never killed me in the past.
Study Strategies and Exam Prep
So, how was I able to balance that? I enrolled in two review centers and signed up for final coaching from three other review centers. I also subscribed to a question bank to practice my test-taking skills. Was this overkill? Yes! Absolutely. But did I think it was necessary? Also yes.
But, I would not suggest this to other test takers. I could not finish all the review notes and ended up cramming up to the last minute. However, the setup made me feel so prepared and made me more confident that I would be taking the exam with enough knowledge.
Since I did not develop good study habits back in college, I was pretty overwhelmed with the study plans given by the review centers. I also had to merge the schedules of my two major review centers painstakingly, stay up super late, and miss designated rest time to get by. I had so much backlog, especially when the examinations were just a month left.
I used all tools possible: the Pareto principle, the Pomodoro technique, highlighting the notes, listening to the lectures at 1.25x speed, etc. I think it was a challenge to have an online setup for review, although it was to be expected since it was post-pandemic. Still, it would have been easier to attend physical lectures.
Other challenges aside from the attention span include being unable to talk to anybody since I lived alone, not getting the proper nutrition because I kept skipping meals, and information overload. Again and again, I would cry and call for surrender; the stress was so draining. But I persisted and faced the examinations, although I had reservations about being ready.
Exam Day: The Moment of Truth
The Emotional Rollercoaster
I came from a relatively conservative evangelical family, and I was brought up frowning on superstitions. I purchased red underwear, bought Jollibee hotdogs as my snacks, and even prepared dinner for the Chinese New Year. I wished for my success as the new year arrived. But I did not forget my Christian background, too. I listened to an inspirational session with a pastor who shared a message from the Bible.
Of course, I did not believe in those superstitious preparations. I do not think that they alone could help me in my preparation. They were calming my nerves or just being with the flow. The self-doubt was so great, and no amount of preparation could have prepared me for the actual exam.
The night before the examinations, I prayed, reviewed a little more, and talked to my wife. I slept early since the examination center was quite far from my place. When I woke up, I got my guitar and sang a Jewish prayer that I always sing before exams, prayed, and then took my breakfast.
We have a four-day examination done on Sundays and Mondays. Upon arrival at the site, which was a shopping mall, the intensity was so high. I started and ended each test with a prayer, remembering why I was doing this and trying my best to survive.
My God, was I so baffled with the exams. The information overload throughout the review was unbearable, but the examinations were equally challenging, not that I expected less. After the last day of the exams, I was so happy just to be able to finish that examination. I did not care about passing that day; to be able to survive those agonizing hours was already God-sent.
Waiting for the Results
The release of results of board examinations in the Philippines is not specific since the transmission of examination papers, review of results, and possible disputes would take days. The last exam day was April 15, 2024, and the wait was unbearable.
I was glossing over the possible choices of skipping meals because I was stressed or relieving the stress by eating more. I was refreshing the official website of the government agency in charge of the exams more frequently than necessary.
Aside from my wife, I had two other support systems for this exam: my friends back in medical school who finished ahead of me and my groupmates in the internship. These groups each had a group message, and they would encourage me to keep me confident throughout the wait.
My wife was central and keeping me sane. As the review period was finished, I no longer had things to do, and overthinking made it hard for me to focus. Talking with her and realigning my mindset to where I was was important.
Physician Licensure Examination Results: The Moment of Victory
Seeing the Results
Most of the time, the results of the examinations are released late. I was still in front of my computer when I received a notice from a website I am following that the results were out. It was April 18.
I entered the portal, which was so annoyingly slow (perhaps due to the flux of users), and searched for my name. There it was: I PASSED!
The joy was so great that I immediately called my wife and celebrated with her, tears overflowing my eyes. I was looking down on myself and did not expect to see my name there. I prayed, thanked God for the chance, and celebrated.
The tears were from different emotional backgrounds: I had tears of joy because I was so happy that I finally passed. There was disbelief because I was not confident that I could pull this off. I breathed a sigh of relief because I finally did what I wanted. All the years of hard work paid off. It was redeeming. It was everything.
What Passing This Exam Means
Passing the exams validated my hard work, a welcome to the next stage of my life, and a message to others who struggle as I did. I wanted to share my story to look back and be grateful, ready myself for new challenges, and perhaps inspire others to continue their journey despite the vast oppositions that life could give us.
This post is part of a series of posts about my struggles and victories to become a licensed physician. I hope you liked this first part. I will share a more in-depth background of my challenges and successes soon. Thank you!